Joy 23

 

 

6" X 6" on Gessoboard

 

Oil Sticks

 

I am having a massive painter's block at the moment. Oh, how I want to paint and I go to my art space and then just walk away. I have loads of images of inspiration and not one motivates me enough to paint it. I wake up each day hoping that that would be the day my block would end. It's very depressing as I can't seem to shake it...until I forced myself to paint for love. For the love of my middle child, as I saw her swinging in the playground, with her beautiful curls just swaying in the breeze. So, this was the painting that I made after the long period of nothing. When I mean nothing, I mean nothing good. I have tried but without that feeling of success. It has been one flop after another. My frustration just adding up until a very bright light went off in my head!

I backed myself up into a corner that I can't seem to get out of! I did it all by myself, no one to blame.

So here is what I think has happened.

 

 

In April, I turned forty. Yes, yes, I know, it's just a number. But I kept feeding myself this mumble jumble that by now, I should be a much better artist than what I am. I should have a technique, a style and a name for myself. And if I don't have any of that, then why is a forty year old woman painting anyway. I mean, I am just wasting my time. There are plenty of artists out there, the world does not need another one. Sigh.  So, while these thoughts were swirling in my head, I decided to gift myself two very good art technique books. I devoured them! I loved them! I said that I was going to be them! How wrong I was. I tried to use the techniques in these books. I tried to paint frequently. But I kept failing. I was painting them, their techniques and not me. I got lost. I am lost. Not only did I lose my own desire to paint what I wanted, every single time I tried to paint on this gessobord, the paint kept coming right off! I would put a color down with a paint stick and then the next stroke would just pick up the color I just had put down. I literally began hitting the gessobord with my paint stiks. Beating the board until the colors stayed. Which they didn't. So, I threw in the towel. My stomach turned any time I thought of painting on these boards. Sure, I could have tried another support, like canvas or paper but my mind was stuck on this gessoboard! The two authors of the books used it so why couldn't I?  So, that's what happened. I stopped painting. I moped. I hoped. I did anything else but paint. Then, the light went on in my head! I can google my problem!! So funny. So I searched and searched. It took two days for my answer. Apparently some times, something happens to the chemistry of the gessoboard and the plastic covering that it comes in. This is not factual but an opinion of a person with my similar experience. That person suggested priming the gessoboard with a mixture of alcohol and water before painting. It worked for that person. Oh boy, did I prime the surface!  It worked!! I can't explain why or how, but it worked. I don't know if the alcohol/water mixture will mess with the oils but I don't care. I can paint on this gessoboard that all these artists paint on! I let the mixture dry of course, before I paint but I prime that baby really well. I don't know how I feel about this painting. I kept seeing pink and my daughter togeterhr, so I went with it. I still feel lost, but I will deal with that day by day. Hopefully, I will come back and be proud of what I make again.